Thrasher Magazine

Who’s the smartest skater you know? Ted Barrow Ph.D? Is it former Element rider and current architect Mike Barker? Maybe MIT Media Lab alumn Rodney Mullen? Shit, you’re probably thinking of the obvious answer, Alexis Sablone. Well, in my humble opinion (and with no false modesty), it’s me. So when I heard there was a skate nerd conference in my hometown of Tempe, Arizona, I made sure to get down there to scope the competition. Join as I catalog their talks, document their modest moves, admire their vibes and systematically dismantle their arguments with my superior skills of logical reasoning I acquired with a minor in Philosophy from ASU. —Ted Schmitz

A little art to start. I’m not above it

Damn, full house on the first day

Welcoming everybody to the show, ASU professor Maurice Crandall introduces the weekend’s first panel. This was a heavy one with Palestinian skaters speaking about their experience with the occupation of their homeland

Surprisingly, there were light moments

And many heartwrenching ones

But always love

Somethin’ you won’t see at your typical skate event, a stunning performance from the Gila River Basket Dancers

Apache Skateboards founder Doug Miles spit the truth to spark the session. Can't handle it? Fuck off, dude

When Doug talks, you better listen. Let’s check the crowd

Does he really need that name tag?

I call this picture rock 'n' roll skate dick

You want NBDs on monumental spots? You’re thinking of Bust or Bail. Out here, we do things a little closer to the ground. Local ripper Jordan Elise twists into back D

Isabella Ostos Campo backs it up with a nosegrind to lip on the big QP

Enough skating, there’s more talking to do. Sam Korman hosts The Great Skate Debate where teams argue over deep paradoxes like, “Is it a heelflip varial or shove it heelflip?”

Between the debates, the crowd keeps the heat in the seats

Team NO’s Zamara dropped an absolute banger on why skating is better in the streets than the parks

Good start

Artist and writer Adam Abada from the winning Team YES came prepared. Although, as a judge on this matter, I did have to remind him that his deference to Steve Rodriguez on the Brooklyn Banks as a skate spot committed the logical fallacy of "appeal to authority." Seems like nobody heard me though

Judge Randy Ploesser liked it for some reason

Next day, we went to hear some crucial research from the fields of geology and sociology and what we philosophers call “the minor sciences”

Damn, fr?

Next up, we got tales of when the party goes on too long 

Skate Like a Girl’s Kristin Ebeling hosted the damn thing and opened the floor to her esteemed panelists: Rosie Archie, Chandler Burton, Patrick O’Dell and Neen Williams 

Good advice for fresh pros

Chandler always brings down the house

This is more of a comment than a question

What the fuck is O’Dell doing in Tempe, anyway? I guess we’ll find out more, later

Crushin’ a 30 rack and hittin’ a 16? Not a damn chance for Neen

The crowd headed over to the neighborhood-famous Mitchell Park for a premiere of Ryan Sherman’s Land’s End documentary. Think Chad Caruso’s cruise across America was harrowing? Wait ‘til you see Barney Page pushing across the UK in the rain for the Ben Raemers Foundation

If I wasn’t a man of reason, I might confuse Sherman for Jesus Christ

Culture continues with an art show from THERE superstars Marbie Miller and Jeff Cheung. Shag and Rosie were feelin’ it

Look Back Kevin and Jim T been in this game Since Day One. Which came out in 2011

Kebs and Sima linked the fuck up

Didn't shoot much of the art, but it's got BGPs with Marie De Courcy

Bluetooth speaker and Spotify playlist? Nah, Epicly Later’d editor Shane and HHF’s Patrick Kigongo brought their crates

Speaking of Epicly Later’d, O’Dell’s got the mic again

The world premiere of Ryan Lay’s Epicly Later’d projected behind a strip mall is about as Arizona as it gets

Brad, Leslie and Stu Lay always come out to see their boy

I forgot who sponsored this event 

Next day, we had more research-heavy paper discussions on topics from gentrification to trauma responses

Captivating stuff

Industry heads, cultural figures and community organizers all made it

We also got photographers, real estate investors and big-wig shoe designers

It was 35 degrees back in New York, so that explains Kava doing this

And Leo doing this

Illibois Teej and Kev copped some fine art

What? You thought that we were skating after those talks? Fuck no, we’re gettin’ an architecture tour of the university with Ted Barrow! We started in front of the first building of the Normal School, which is where you should probably enroll, freak

Who can tell me where Jaws melon grabbed the biggest 15 in town?

Hostile architecture indeed

Frank Lloyd would be hyped. Alright, let’s go skate

I said, let’s fuckin’ skate, Randy!

These grown-ups really know how to lounge

Finally! Jordan saves the day with a crook

Shit, got too tech too fast. Cody Rosenthal, nollie heel nose

That's more like it! My favorite musician Sean Bonnette put down a classy back tail

Normally I look for someone with pink hair at every event, but Ella's front crook with the Frog board board will do

You thought your 40s were for slappies? You're not very smart. Worn Path’s shopowner Niles Armstrong is still rippin’ kicky back tails and you should too

Skate break’s over, we gotta get over to Kyle Beachy’s reading series. The author made sure his guests Jessie Van Roechoudt and Rosie Archie were ready  

Readings in coffeehouses suck. A skateboarding-themed reading in a distillery rules. Not sure what makes the difference

Jessie Van laid out hella facts. I can’t remember what they were though

They had the audience hooked

Slow Impact MVP Kristin Ebeling gave us the how-to on responding to IG haters. This is what we in the corporate conference community call "a takeaway"

And Yaz got a raucous finger-snap applause

We interviewed Sean Bonnette from AJJ in the mag, but tonight he was playing covers from skate videos' greatest hits as the Van Deck Parks. I saw a few teary eyes after “Nights in White Satin”

Brooklyn’s Jokamundo opened up this fuckin’ pit while he spit

Last day, I made sure to flick up some handsome switch skaters. Tim Tim and Dr. Barrow obliged

As long as it’s not Create and Destroy, I guess they don’t need a cease-and-desist

Wanna know more about architecture and hideously designed parks? Let This Old Ledge’s host and his panel of building smarties be your guide 

I think Eunice had some concerns about skateboarders working with city councils to endorse skateable spaces, as the illegality of street skating provides the most radical avenue for us to challenge notions of private property and the overwhelming hegemony of the capitalist class. But I wouldn’t know ‘cause she just quietly listened

He’s from State College, so yeah, he likes learning

Speaking of college shit, you knew there had to be some sack time

Looks like the jocks brought the big ball

I’d recognize that mustache anywhere

Felt like I was taking photos for yearbook

Yep, definitely a yearbook photo. Seen here: The Skate Nonprofit Club

Quasi fam and titans of regional-indie vids, Will Rosenstock, Jeremy Tubbs and Josh Wilson

Oh yeah, at the end of this thing, they give out prizes for ripping. Kinda like a formal product toss

This hug was either for Palestinian skateboarder Hytham’s powerful impromptu speech or the NBD late shove he did at Tempe High. Either way, well deserved

You think you can make it up the ladder at adidas if you ain’t a good student? That’s why Jessie Van is where she is and why you have a new brain disease caused by TikTok and unregulated vape juice

Levi took Jessie’s cue, lest he get that brain thing I invented

Spot the best hoodie in the building

A week of hard work doesn’t go unnoticed

Jordan’s moves didn’t either, seen here with a new REAL board and beau Aaron

I should make another joke, but really I’m just thankful these guys welcomed in my 35-year-old friend to be a pro skater with ‘em

Alright, everybody out unless you rode for Popwar and Element 

Neen went to every event, skated with the locs and signed every autograph. Man’s an absolute mensch

Wishing nothing but peace for our Palestinian delegation: Omar, Hytham and Maen 

Now, let’s close this fuckin’ thing out at the Wedge

Midwest party boys Nick and Pat locked down their picnic plot early

Volunteer VIP Preston had the best patches all weekend

If Kristin’s skatin', I’m shootin’. First manny to fire up the session

Arizona’s top tech doggy Preston Harper was on some innovative shit

And the event organizer gave that one-foot-on-the-ground thing a go too

It’s called style, sweetie. Look it up

This might be a world-record nollie nosegrind. Probably not

The essence of Slow Impact is adults acting like little skate kids, so stacking boards seemed like the perfect way to shut this shit down

Goddamn! Hytham drove here from New Mexico, but he booked a flight back

Alright, fuck it. Product toss for the grown-ups

And the best-dressed kids!

Yearbook ender

Shit, I almost forgot to include a Liquid Death! Thanks, Ted and Eunice, for havin’ my back. In all seriousness, this new wave of events that blends heady skate talk with slow-and-low adult swim sessions is a pretty cool thing. After all, there are thousands of skaters who care deeply about our place in the man-made landscape but lack the hunger for a huckfest. Ryan Lay, New Balance and the volunteers might’ve cracked the code for keeping all those aching feet and aging eyes engaged in the culture—even if they’re all dumber than me.